Remember how a few days ago I mentioned my dear friend and fellow illustrator, Jessica Lee Hildreth?
Well, we’re starting a tumblr for our collaboration project! We’ll be documenting the progress, process, and mishaps, as well as posting finished work. It would be so lovely for you to join us over there!
Hey, I’m going to speak freely here. Lately I’ve been feeling a lot of fear and shame.
Shame that I am not “where I should be” with art. Yes, of course my actual skills are not of the utmost perfection, but it’s less about that for me. I’ve been there, but that’s something I’ve more or less surmounted, fortunately.
Basically I’m ashamed that I haven’t gotten over the things that keep me from putting myself out there more, and honestly the things that keep me from making any money from my art. Those things are my fears.
I’m afraid to put things out there, because maybe no one will like them or buy them, and then I’ll be a failure and I don’t have a plan B. Or I won’t end up finding a satisfying niche where I’m valued and hired all over the place. I’m also afraid of the opposite, where maybe I put things out there and wonderful opportunities - and therefore responsibilities that I am obliged to fulfill - start rolling in.
It is my job, every moment, to try to not have “emotional reactions to my emotions.” If I start to feel ashamed of being afraid and then angry at that shame and then ashamed of getting angry… then where is there any room for creativity?
It is my job to acknowledge that no matter what gets done or doesn’t get done, at the end of the day I am enough. Just me.
I’m not saying this to fish for compliments or encouragement, but just to let you guys know that I’m a struggling human, and maybe to have a conversation.